Kindness is making dinner for a sick neighbor. Politeness is sending a thank you note acknowledging the kind act.

Kindness “is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is a known virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions” according to Wikipedia. Acts of kindness are universal, feed the soul, and are touches from the divine.

On the other hand, Wikipedia defines politeness as “is best expressed as the practical application of good manners or etiquette. It is a culturally defined phenomenon, and therefore what is considered polite in one culture can sometimes be quite rude or simply eccentric in another cultural context.”

Kindness is something you’re born with, whereas politeness is something you learn. I have seen children with signs of kindness that are less than a year old. They help each other get up after falling or automatically share their toys without being asked. I’ve also seen children grab toys, shove another child down, and walk away with a smile. The latter are the children that benefit the most from manners on mindfulness and courtesy such as “ask first” or  “don’t take things that don’t belong to you.”

When it comes to combined families, manners matter. Manners provide guidance on behavior that is oftentimes seen by others as kind. Good manners give you “practical” application to make decisions that can keep those around you from feeling “uncomfortable” when emotions can be overwhelming.

Below are a samples of acts that are especially hurtful when it involves combined families and can be helped by common courtesies. I’ll address these topics in future posts.

• Taking a phone call from a drunk or needy ex in the middle of the night
• Allowing the children to “control” the time of the adults
• Not saying “please” and “thank you”
• Leaving a mess for someone else to clean up
• Excluding spouses or long-term partners from events where one including the ex is invited

If you can’t be kind, then think about being polite!